Do you have a bunch of young guys and some cassocks laying around? Want to make a nice priest for the dinner party coming up? Here is Col. Benedict's secret recipe.

Ingredients:

One (1) human male, baptized thoroughly.
One (1) philosophy degree.
Four (4) years of theological training.
Twelve (12) months of parish internship.
Four (4) volume set of the Breviary.
Seemingly Infinite (~∞) hours of prayer.
One (1) nice looking white collar.
Two (2) ordinations.
One (1) Bishop, to be applied on multiple occasions.
Three (3) solemn promises.

Optional Ingredients include:
- Cooking Lessons
- Musical Talent
- Working Knowledge of Latin
- Love of Fishing


1) Preheat the seminary to 325 degrees. Take the man and blend with a philosophy degree while slowly adding in prayer. This can be done in a Seminary or if not, a large mixing bowl will do. Once the mix is thoroughly blended, add further prayer to taste. At this point, sprinkle in some consent from the local Bishop and you're ready to move the batter to the seminary. (If you are modifying this recipe for use in a religious order, add permission from the superior and the appropriate blend of spices.)

2) Once the batter has been transferred to the seminary, it is prepared for the next round of ingredients. Add the 4 volume breviary and start dumping in as much prayer as the dough can take. Mix it in at least five times a day but don't be shy about giving more than that. It will greatly affect how the priest turns out when it's done in the oven so you want as much as you can and as early as possible. This is a good time to set the whole batch aside for 5 or 6 days in silent retreat so the dough can rise.

3) With the breviary in and the prayer starting to mix through the dough, it is ready for the first two years of theological training to be added. Stir them in slowly, continuously adding more prayer. You really can't have too much of that. Be sure to pull the dough out of the seminary between each year so you can let it cool down a little and restore some sanity.

4) Once the first two years of theological training are blended in, you're ready to add the internship. All that prayer should be leavening the dough noticeably by this point. Add all the months of internship. It is recommended to get a another dash or so of consent and support from the local bishop while you do this. And as always, keep adding in that prayer. Throwing in a cassock is always a nice touch.

5) With the internship complete, put the mix back into the seminary and turn the heat up to 400. Stir in theology over the course of another year and don't let up on the prayer. It might seem like there is enough already but there is always need of more. Once the third year of theology is all in, it is time for a whole lot of the bishop. Have the bishop lay hands on the dough and stir in some chrism oil. The dough will be ready for all three promises now so add in the promises of celibacy, obedience, and prayer. At this point you'll have a deacon and you're almost done. Wrap the deacon in a stole and put that nice looking white collar on the front.

6) Increase the temperature in the seminary to 475 and put the deacon back in. This might seem like it'll burn out the deacon but it will actually make for a nice finish on the dough. Add the final year of theology and heap in more prayer. This is your last chance to get prayer in before the recipe is finished so don't hold back. Just add it in and your deacon will know what to do with it.

7) The dough will have cooked thoroughly at this point so it is ready to come out of the seminary. Don't shut it off because there are still many more guys in there. Once the deacon is out of the oven and cooled enough to touch, you're ready for for the bishop again. Have the bishop lay hands on the deacon and glaze lightly with chrism oil.

There you have it, your priest is done!

Garnish with stole and chasuble.